So, instead of writing my World Literature Essay like I'm supposed to, I started pondering about the wonders of the IB Programme:

Physics teacher: Hey you guys do you want to hear a joke?
Class: Sure!
Physics teacher: I just marked your quizzes.

What we don't realize is, this is all just a huge scientific study to find out how much stress kids can be put under before they haul off and kill themselves. The idea is that they give students amounts of work that are impossible to achieve, and periodically add more and more work during times when key projects are due. I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of it. I quit.

We you're in IB the phrase "I got five hours of action last night" means something completely different.

ToK in a Nutshell
The Question: How do we know?
The Answer: We don't.

When asked to comment on the IB a student replied: "I'd commit suicide but I don't have the time."

During a break in the biology mock exam
IB Student 1: What's evolution?
IB Student 2: It's when we finish this exam and half of us drop dead so that only the people who are smart enough move on to the next mock.

IB - it's the best condom in the world.

IB is like an abusive husband. You know you should leave but you can't because you have a life together even if that life occasionally beats you, calls you names, and makes you feel like killing yourself.

The International Baccalaureate: The only educational program owned, run, and sponsered by Satan himself.

Student 1: Hey! I've got a brilliant EE topic!
Student 2: Ah-uhm...
Student 1: It will be: Oedipus, the original motherfucker...
Student 2: ...

"It's only 6 tests, how hard can it be to take 6 tests?"
- An IB student's little sister, age 9

Teacher: A catalyst is something that speeds up a chemical reaction, but it's not involved in the reaction itself.
Student: Um.. can you give us a real life example?
Teacher: Sure, I tell my son to clean up his room, he says no, I ask him nicely, he still says no, so then, I take out my belt and and ask him again, he runs up to clean it.
Student: O.o
Teacher: See, the belt it not never touched him, but it speeds up the reaction.

The number 45 never looked so high until now...

To be or not to be? That is the question. If you choose to be, don't choose IB.

The realization of actually being in IB hit me when I decided not to wear my seatbelt in the car becuase I would prefer to go to the hospital rather than go to school.

I'm so hot my enzymes denaturate.

I had a life full of joy, happiness, love, parties, friends, food, sleep
... and then I woke up and finished HL paper 2.

Question on an HL Bio Exam:

A tall, blue blorg mates with a short, white blorg and produces all tall, blue blorgs. This is a result of:
a) both parents having heterzygous traits;
b) both parents having homozygous traits;
c) magic.

Chem Teacher: Did you guys hear about the bear that fell in the water and dissolved?
Class: No...
Chem Teacher: They say he was polar!

IB Freshman: You know, I'm planning of getting 45 points.
IB Senior: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
IB Freshman: What's so funny?

"You shall not pass"
-Gandalf on IB

IB English Class
Teacher's advice to students: So when you're home alone practice your oral on your dog...
Students: That's what she said...

Now I understand why 42 is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. See, it means a 7 on all IB subjects.

Student: ...but we already have three tests scheduled for the next two days...
Teacher (mockingly, sarcastically and evilly): So if you add the one I'm giving you that makes four... Right? Your math teacher will be so proud to hear you do all of these advanced calculations.
Student (in a somewhat whiny tone which is completely justified): haha... Very funny... I haven't spent time with my friends or family or girlfriend in almost a month.
Teacher: And you're surprised? Didn't you read the fine print when you agreed to be in IB? It says : "In IB there are no significant others, only significant figures!"

Student 1: What's 2 times 9 again?
Student 2: Wait a sec, let me just get my Texas..

Teacher: [Noticing that half the class isn't there] What's due tomorrow?
Class, in unison: Bio/chem IA.
Teacher: Oh. 'Kay. [continues with lesson]

Non-IB student: You're in IB?
IB Student: Yeah.
Non-IB Student: Do you ever have nervous breakdowns involving all-night study sessions ending in screaming Latin phrases and offering to sell your soul to Satan if he'll put you out of this misery?
IB Student: ...just the once.

Life is like a box of HL IB Chemistry. You never know what you're gonna get, but it'll probably suck.

Teacher: No, we won't be getting into our math groups today. Carter's talking out of turn.
Carter: Life is all about second chances.
Teacher: Not in IB it's not.

Student gets up to leave halfway through a lesson.
Teacher: Where are you going?
Student: Slowly insane.

IB Coordinator to upcoming IB Freshmen: So, the IB is a programme designed for the gifted and elite-minded...
IB Senior class: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

All's fair in love and finals.

IB First Year: There's so much work, I'm barely eating!
IB Second Year: Pah, I gave up on food. My current survival is due to copious amounts of coffee and a f*ckload of cigarettes.

(Day that a math's portfolio was due)
IB Student 1: So, how many of hours of sleep did you get last night?
IB Student 2: I haven't slept in two weeks.

(After HL Math teacher arrived at class, late)
Student: Thank the Lord you're here, sir. We just couldn't function without you.
I'm serious, NOBODY outside the IB actually laughs at that. My brother looked at me like I lost my mind when I said this to him.

IB is like being ruled by facism:
Everyone talks about how much it has ruined their life but nobody actually does anything about it.

In IB Bio class:
"I wish I were Helicase so I could unzip you jeans!"

The secrets to passing your Math HL exam:
1) When in doubt, equate to zero and solve for x. If you're feeling adventurous, make it an inequality.
2) If a matrix is given, find the determinant, and continue with step 1

American Gov't Teacher: Now, I know we're in Paris and don't get American news, but you've got to keep updated on the election. Just check up on the CNN website or something each day.
Student 1: Oh my god... there's an election going on at home?
Student 2: Hmm interesting analysis, but you might need some sources for that. On another note, did you know the IBO made an update to the Syllabus for Mathematics SL? It's on page 34 in the syllabus, and page 235 in the Vade Mecum. Section D14 I believe.

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Now I really should go write that essay. I've laughed enough to compensate for an entire year of IB.