Well, me and my gf decdided to cool off. Without each other, I mean. This was completely mutual, but it still hurts like a bitch right now. Of course I wish that we could work it out, but 150km distance between a couple is really a lot when neither of us really can't affort train tickets that often. I personally am so sick of crying that I'm relieved in some way. We'll maybe try again when we live a bit closer to each other; I'm going to apply next year for the university in the city where she lives. I know, and she knows as well, how well we go together and how perfect everything is when we're physically close. I just can't take, and though she doesn't say it, I know that she can't take a long-distance relationship.
As I said, I'm not saying that I'm not hurting, cause I realyl am. But one just can't live like this, right? When there's 150 kilometers of distance, can a relationship like this really work? One is overly jealous and sensitive, manic depressive to say the least, craves more displays of affection than an entire village, and whose ego is in the negatives. The other is, in her own words, "a heartless piece of shit." When they're physically together, they fit together perfectly and love each other. But when they're physically apart, all they do is fight and show their bad sides. This really sucks, but I know it's for the best.

I'll survive. I really will. This really was no surprise, I've been anticipating this since last fall. But still I am kind of... Wanting to run. A lot. Or bike, or swim, or just go to the gym and completely exhaust myself physically. Always when I'm mentally a complete warphole, I want to do something physical. I'm not sure why, it's just something that I do to keep my mind off things. That maybe if I run hard enough, I'll leave the bad feelings behind. You know?

Gods, I'm just so tired.